Time to heal

I don't often get ill, and the times I do I would usually not stop my regular schedule. I would go through the day like I wasn't ill. Pop a few pills against the headache, and ignore all other discomforts, and just go on. It doesn't help that I don't get a fever. A fever would stop someone who is ill and make them rest. I don't get that, so I go about my life as nothing is wrong while I should instead rest.

When I was 19, I had pneumonia without knowing it. No fever at all. I walked around with it for two months, coughing as I went. After the two months my lungs hurt so bad and breathing was so difficult that I had no other choice than to stay in bed. My girlfriend at that time, called the doctor. He didn't want to make a house-call, because I didn't have a fever, so in his opinion it couldn't be that bad. After his visit, he felt I was being over dramatic, that it wasn't that bad, I didn't have a fever. Though to put my mind at rest he told me to go for a checkup at the hospital.

My girfriend called a cab (at that time I could almost not speak anymore) and we went to the hospital. They gave me only one look, saw my pale face, and my continuous coughing, and they called for a gurney. Thy took me away, took some blood, put me on an IV, took some x-rays, and immediately after put me on antibiotic and gave me something against my pain (it was good.)

I had sever pneumonia and to make matters worse I also had some killing virus in my blood. They were amazed I recovered, they actually thought I would die, also it baffled them that I did not get a fever. I stayed for 3 weeks and not a single day I had a fever.

At times I still remember the hallucinations I had while on the meds and the weird dreams. Very surreal and vivid dreams. It were strange times. I was actually dying the days before I got to the hospital, and had I kept going on for a few more weeks without help I would have died. I learned something about myself and that is I didn't fear death.(still don't) At that time I only felt pity that if I would die I would never get to have sex with my girlfriend. Actually never did, soon after my recovery we broke up.

Now that I'm older and wiser I got more careful about getting ill. The way I lived my life so far, by keep working despite being ill would eventually take its toll. Realizing this I changed. Last week I was ill but I didn't take a day off to rest. So this Monday, while feeling like shit, ready to go work, I paused at the door and at that moment I decided to call in sick. I may not fear death but that doesn't mean I should help it, I love life, and like living, so if I should help one of them, it should be life. I won't be making the same mistake I did at nineteen, for at mid thirties I probably wouldn't survive the same thing. Not that death in itself is bad, though I rather enjoy life a little longer.

I'm three days into my sick leave and feeling a little better. Tomorrow I'll be back at work. Didn't write much either these last days. Sick leave, is sick leave, so no working, only resting.

What I wanted to say is; take care of yourselves, don't push yourself to death. It's better to lag a little behind and enjoy life a little longer, than to be overburdened and never get the chance to enjoy life.